Sometime around noon last Tuesday, an unidentified man died at the busy cross junction of Bukit Timah & Whitley Road. According to eye-witnesses present at the scene, the situation was somewhat bizarre; the man had a toilet bowl on stuck on his head and supposedly killed himself when he ran full speed into one of the lampposts and knocked himself out.

Said Madamn Gong Jiao Way who happened to be around the area after picking her daughter up from the nearby SCGS. When interviewed, this was what she said; "I was at the overhead bridge with GirlGirl here *rubs young SCGS head* when I heard muffled shouts of pain and branches cracking. U know rite? Got the branches and leaves sound, the ''sheeeesheshhhesh' Like got something smashing through the forest liddat... So I turned around to look at the trees behind the busstop and then I saw this guy rolling down the hill, with the toilet bowl stuck on his head. I think that would explain the muffled shouts and grunts of pain but I am very sure that I heard 'Adoi' several times as the guy rolled down like a big white ball.

Then when he reached the bottom, he shook his head a few times and slowly got to his feet. I see liddat, I also 'xing tia'.. U all angmoh one u all noe not? Aiya, how to say har? Eh, is call the wat ar? EH GIRLGIRL HOW  TO SAY THE ENGLISH XING TIA?!"  "

eh mummy, I think it is called heartpain." 

"AR!! YES! YES! YES! CORRECT LA!, see my GirlGirl here so smart sia! *slaps SCGS girl on the back behind, nearly herniating the poor girl in the process*  So I very heartpain, want to go help, so I walk towards him. As I walk to him, can see he is hurt, coz he start limping towards me. Although the toilet bowl is on his head, got small small hole on the top for him to see. I also see he wearing khaki pants & his shirt, his shirt he wear the what, the simmi 'Prison Break' shirt.. hahahaha I noe coz I every week watch with my GirlGirl. My GirlGirl here think the tatoo kia very yandao..

An'way hor, the toilet bowl kia walk a few step towards me, then suddenly stop there, never move for few second. I see I also blur, I tot he hang. Then behind me, I hear got 'Excuse me?' 'Excuse me? Can we help?' I turn around see two Mata walking towards us. Then I turn back, Haiyo!!!! The toilet bowl guy bo liao!!!! I turn left, turn right, then can see him running away towards the traffic junction. Wah I tell u, the guy jin fit can?! He juz roll down the hill, got the toilet bowl on his head, but still can til very fast sia.. Then I think he run too fast, run into the lamppost. Got one very loud 'DANG' sound, then he drop down no move already."

Another onlooker agreed with Mdm Gong; observed Mr Bo Liao, "I was at the red light in my Merc when I saw the man in the toilet bowl sprinting across, I feel it is highly plausible that he became complacent, thinking he could get away from the chasing policemen and therefore failed to keep an vigilant eye on his surroundings. Oh well, at least I think he has learnt a severe lesson about complacency and what it can do to you."

 
Concurring with his fellow colleague, Inspector Mao also felt cautious about the whole situation; “It is too early to say who the man in the toilet bowl is at this point and the real cause of death. We have to look closer & try to find something, if not at least come up with something. In fact, initial observations from the autopsy suggest the man might not have died due to the crash as medical experts have found in his abdomen what seem to be traces of mee siam with hum...”

Also, JI have been quick to release an official statement distancing themselves from the whole incident and Mas Selamat. Said JI spokesman Al-Tahid !Bin Bolulu on youtube, "We do not recognize him(Mas) as one of us, we do not escape through toilets and hide in forests.. Terrorism does not preach killing oneself like this by running full speed into a lamppost. Firstly, its embarrassing & second, u definitely dun qualify for martyrdom by doing shit like this."

Police are appealing to eyewitnesses at the scene who have yet to come forward to give an official eyewitness account. Such people can contact the Police at 1800-tell-us-7%GST-included to tell their side of the story. To reach out to more people, the Police have also placed signs around the area in hopes that passing motorists will call in to give their eyewitness accounts.

There has been some debate as to which animal is the smartest. Screw the primates, dolphins, whatever. To me, fishes are the smartest. Why do I say that? Well its because they plan ahead, & they plan for themselves even after they are long dead.

 
I did OT the other day, reached home at 830pm & ate dinner. There was the usual fare for dinner, nothing fanciful; chicken, greens & fish. The fish was the worst asshole I have ever met in my life. He was full of bones. After nearly 13 hours in the office, it was only natural I was worn out by the time I was eating dinner. So without really looking, I bit into the bastard, & succeeded in embedding a bone into my gums. I cringed in pain, put the asshole down, & gingerly pulled the bone out. The bone was bout 1cm long, bout ¼ of it was red, and the other ¾ was white. The F©King bone went into my gums by bout 3mm can?!  3mm may seem really short, but when anything unorthodox-ly goes into ur body that deep, lemme tell ya it hurts like hell.

 
So I spent most of the dinner taking really small bites of the fish, slowly moving the pieces of it around in my mouth with my tongue, tryin to separate the bones from the flesh. & spitting them damn bones out after that. It wasn’t easy, the fish was a true asshole, his bones were like glued to his flesh or something.  Hell, think I spat out more flesh than bone. Dun think I ate much fish that nite. If that wasn’t enuff, few mouthfuls later, another bone went into me. This time it pierced my tongue. F©K.

~Interlude~

Before our time, many eons ago, there were 2 main groups of fish. One group stayed in the water to become the fishes we have in the seas today. Although the other group would eventually evolve to become something else, they were the ugliest fish in the sea during that time. They had lumpy protrusions for fins, had short stumpy tails, & were just ugly.

Basically they looked something like this;
Charming.
 

& during one of the annual evolution convention many eons ago, these 2 groups sat down & debated as to who should go on Land. Finally they drew lots, & the uglys with the leg-like fins/appendages won, & the other fishes with the normal fins were secretly bitter inside. The normal fishes were pissed that those ugly guys with those grotesque cancerous lumps for fins were the ones who were moving on. & they consulted their oracle who foresaw the future. The oracle tossed her fish bones & as they fell, aligned them with the stars-planets-whatever & said one thing; “those ugly muthaF©Kers are gonna be eating us.”  

 
So the normal fishes sat down amongst themselves, & opted to improve themselves too. & they finally decided, “OK, since we will be left behind in the water & be eaten by them, this is wat we are gonna do.

Lets pack our bodies with so many freaking scales & bones, so when those mofos eat us it will be the most F©K-ed up experience possible."

~Interlude over~

That’s why fishes are smart; they plan on how they will be like after death. Ok its a lame argument,  but who gives a shit, anyway, I am tired, so it stops here.

To end off, here's another shot of the ugly muthafcker, in beige.

& beige is definitely not his best tone.

 I know it doesn't feel good, but like it or not, we are related to him.

So here I am, blogging bout stuff tat happened on the eve of Deepavali. Its bit late I know, but still at least its out ya? I am so proud of myself, my perseverance & infallible memory. Lol, like, whatever…..

Anyway on Deepavali eve, my F©King comp died. Many times over. The cpu went weird on me by doing random shutdowns; it took over as the decision maker, deciding when it wanted to take a break. Maybe it was due to my habit of like leaving my comp on like forever. So, I was rather puzzled when I walked to my comp, sat down &, the damn comp was off. Initially I shrugged it off & got about my own business.

Then the shutdowns became more erratic; I was doing my work one day when it suddenly went dead. My jaw dropped in shock, Thank God I wasn’t working on anything important. So I switched it on again, tinking something was wrong with the power settings. I got to the blue XP Welcome screen, was typing in my password halfway when the bitch conked out again. My jaw didn’t drop tis time, I was becoming pissed. After taking a deep breath, I switched it on again, & tis time it didn’t even make the blue XP screen. It like died 10 seconds after I pressed the power button to switch it on. Then, naturally, things got worse. 10 seconds became 5 seconds, 1 second & finally the damn power button wasn’t responding to my finger prodding. At this point, I was pissed as hell. Worried too, coz at that point of time I felt that something in the cpu died. & therefore, I was afraid my info in the comp would be shitgone if the hard disk was screwed.

So, Sim Lim was the only option. I pulled out all the wires from behind, & prepared to take that heavy piece of shit down to Sim Lim for repair. After making my way down to Sim Lim, I made my way to the third floor. Eug was saying that there was tis shop which was full of iDians & tat was the repair shop I should go to for a reasonable price. So there I was, looking for the iDian shop & wandering around like a retarded retard. & did I mention the cpu was heavy? Heavy as hell? & this is when I ran in the pamphlet people. Speaking of pamphlet people, I was also once a pamphlet distributor, I used to do part-time giving out brochures back in yr1 I think. & then I moved on to being a credit card promoter.

Anyway, for those of u guys who have been to Sim Lim before, guess u all would noe wat I mean; the walkways of Sim Lim are filled with these pamphlet people. Every floor is the same, near the escalator, near the lift, near the staircase there will be some pamphlet distributor. Hell, as long as there was an inch of unoccupied space, there would be one of them standing on it, its like this people were free-of-charge or something. Wats worse is they are especially concentrated around the escalators, & they succeed in jamming up the human traffic; which is a bitch when u have a combination of slow-moving people ahead of u, u are pissed & u are cradling a heavy piece of shit.

So, I walked towards the escalator because I had to go one level up, and there was this row of bout 5 pamphlet distributors in the front of the escalator, waiting for me; ready to stuff my ass full with pamphlets. I walked towards them, & the 1^st in line thrust his hand out, expecting me to grab on to his pamphlet, when my hands are already full of cpu.

I realized something; the pamphlet people at Sim Lim are different from the other distributors elsewhere. They are like an elite breed or something. In other places, when u dun take a pamphlet, the distributors naturally retract their hand & let u go about your way. The Sim Lim ones are in a class of their own. They are aggressive; when u dun take them pamphlets, they wave it in front of you & glare at you like u juz killed their dog or something. Nevertheless, I wasn’t in the mood for entertaining them, so I just pushed through their catatonic outstretched hands. Come to think of it, they are like human turnstiles. SMRT might wanna think of replacing their electronic turnstiles with these pple. For one, they are way cheaper. Two, they rarely malfunction. I was caught in the crotch by one of those SMRT electronic turnstiles which decided to malfunction & clamp down on lil’ kaymong. It is not funny, it was a very painful experience with technology. Anyway, that was a long time ago & that story of is for some other day.

Anyway, back to them Sim Lim pamphlet people; they are rather intelligent too. Recall that both of my hands were occupied with the cpu, so it is very obvious I couldn’t possibly take a pamphlet. Well, the 1^st one refused to retract his hand, so I simply barged through. The 2^nd one in line saw that I didn’t take the 1^st one’s pamphlet, & yet she stuck out her hand, expecting me to take hers. So, the cycle went on, the 3^rd & 4^th  also stuck out their hands. Understandably, the last one, Mr Number 5 will get jacked for being the dumbest. It should be common sense that, if I do not take the earlier 4 pamphlets, it would be highly unlikely that I would make an exception for him. So, he could have just kept his hand in & conserve that bit of energy. But, No. Despite the fact that I refused to take the pamphlets from the earlier 4 distributors, he still stuck out his hand, expecting me to take his pamphlet.

Thus, I have a theory; I believe the pamphlet people at Sim Lim are arranged in order of their respective IQs. The first in line is the one with the highest IQ, the second one has got the 2^nd-highest IQ of the lot. & then it all goes downhill from here; & by the time we come to the fifth, we are probably looking at someone with the mental capacity of a fishball.

Here’s a graphical representation of what I am trying to say:

Anyway, I pushed through their hands & went up the escalator & managed to find the shop & repaired my cpu. The guy said it was some setting in my BIOS which screwed-up. Thank God my hard disk was unaffected; I paid the guy & went down the escalator & ran into the fantastic 5 again.

This time, the order in which I would approach them was reversed, since I was coming from the opposite direction as before & their positions remained unchanged. Therefore, Fishball was now the first to stick out his arm. Well, I couldn’t take the pamphlet coz my hand was still full of cpu. Anyway, the process repeated itself; only backwards whereby fishball now became 1^st, 4^th now became 2^nd & etc… ...& by the time I reached the 5^th, supposedly the smartest of the lot, he stuck out his pamphlet.

U noe wat? F©K my theory & the above graph, they are all fishballs.

• Entire family was out..

• Maid was watering the plants in the garden.          

• Neighbours are too far away.          

• Passer-bys or pedestrians or nearby strangers.
  

• People in cars / motorcycles / lorries / buses/ boats / planes passing by.            

Me:  Hey… ‘noon to u’ll too.. Oh yes, I had my lunch before rushing down for this interview. So sorry I am abit late.

ST: Oh no sir.. nnooooo….pls don’t apologize. We understand u are a busy man. Before we begin, we would like u to know that we are really pleased to be able to conduct this interview with u.

Me: hahaha, u guys flatter me too much, really.. I am just an ordinary guy working his ass off, trying to make ends meet.

ST: OH yes, speaking of which, lets talk bout work. The word on the street is that u have recently joined Min & Yang? Tell us more..

Me: Sure, Min & Yang is an Independent Advisory Firm, lets call it IAF for short ya? This IAF is probably the first of its kind in Singapore and it’s a very new and refreshing business concept. I have been with them for bout 6 months now, I joined Min & Yang back in March as an entry-level product. However I have just switched departments not long ago for better opportunities.

ST: Ok.. I see. Tell us what u guys do.

Me: Hmm… that’s a really good question. To be frank with you, I have no idea what we do. *throws head back & laughs like a buffon*  Hmm, Ok, well it’s actually a trade secret, what we do. Ok, lets put it this way; we market and brand promising individuals for lucrative returns.

ST: Lucrative returns?! With just mere marketing and branding? How does this work actually?

Me:  Oohhh mind u, there is immense potential for high returns!! At Min & Yang, we collaborate with high net-worth individuals and then work towards harvesting their assets. When we work with a good client, we are looking at net asset-worth reaching the millions.

ST: That’s a really interesting business plan. So, how big is Min & Yang?

Me: Well, I would say that since we are new in the market, we are still in the midst of expansion, but we would also like to make it very clear to the public that we are not rushing to recruit now as we only look for the very best. So right now, we have 4 people in Min & Yang. Actually, I wanted to bring our company organizational chart along, but I felt it was somewhat embarrassing to show a chart with just 4 people in it.

ST: That’s OK. Wow…. 4 people? That’s pretty amazing; I understand you guys receive tons of applications daily? How do you guys cope with the work?

Me:  Oh yes, u are rite. We are really swamped and the workload is really heavy on each of us. However, our selection criterion is very very stringent, so most applications are almost immediately discarded.

ST: I see… So, tell us more bout the company, Does Min & Yang have something like a company structure?

Me: Oh, most definitely yes. We have a MD, who pioneered this firm really. Then we have got 2 group leaders. I dun get to work with one of the group leader that often as she is often overseas on assignment. We only see her during major company functions, other than that she is pretty busy with our expansion plans, u know, like tapping into other foreign markets. However I get to work with the other group leader, who is coincidently my mentor. I see her around more often as her focus is more towards the local side.

ST: Ok, so what is it you do exactly at Min & Yang?

Me: Well, I am under training now actually. I just switched supervisors bout 2 months back and am currently under training now to understand my new roles and responsibilities. I believe I will be able to contribute to the organization real soon.

ST: What are Min & Yang’s plans for the future?

Me: Wow, I can’t really answer this question as I am not the best person to comment on this. Perhaps my MD would be in a better position to give u an answer. But like I mentioned just now, although we are always on the lookout for expansion opportunities , we believe in sticking to our selection regime and will continue to put our prospective recruits through rigorous screening processes.

ST: Are the career prospects good?

Me:  Well…….I can’t say much , really. All I can say is the future looks pretty bright. In fact, just last week my mentor hinted that I could very possibly be mentoring new recruits soon.

ST: Wow. Congratulations!!! That sounds like a promotion, no?

Me: Haha yes it is actually, but I feel I am not ready to be in a managerial position just yet. Experience is key to being successful in this field and right now, I would like to focus on learning more about the industry and understanding the market first before I take on a leadership role in Min & Yang.

ST: Fair enough, Ok, I guess that’s all the time we have right now. Any last words?

Me: My MD sucks.

ST: Okaayyy…. Wow.. that’s some signoff.  Anyway, we would like to thank you once again for taking time off your busy schedule for this interview.

Me: Oh no problem at all, it’s an honor to be on your show really. Just in case I didn't mention it earlier, my MD sucks.

First, I would like to say I am absolutely elated coz Arsenal won at White Hart Lane. It was a very entertaining match, where both sides had plenty of chances. However, the match was won by a moment of brilliance which resulted in a magnificent wonder goal by Fabregas. & in stoppage time, Adebayor scored an even more spectacular one; receiving a ball from Rosicky, his first touch was beautiful, causing the ball to spin upwards for a superb volley into the back of the spurs net. In all fairness, I felt spurs played really really well & they too had pretty good chances to sink us. They always looked dangerous going forward, especially during the second half with Darren Bent on. Ok getting boring. End of story. In the end. We won 3-1. Better luck next time, Jol...  

Back to the topic at hand. Lunch at the Quad. I always have interesting shit to talk when it comes to lunch at the quad. I dunno y tis happens to be the case, but it is seems its always the case. Oh well, that sentence was a complete waste of words, didn’t really have any concrete meaning to it, & guess wat, so is this one.

Anyway, me & surong were at the Quad tat day having lunch. I realized that its rare that the whole gang can have lunch together this sem. It was unlike last sem, where there was ailing, serene, surong, vincent and myself always eating shit together… That day, serene couldn’t make it coz she set her alarm to pm instead of am. Btw its nice to noe that I am not the only one. Vincent couldn’t make it also as he was busy in the lab wif his fyp simulation. Ailing couldn’t make it coz she doesn’t come to sch much. To see her in sch is like Moses parting the Red Sea, a freaking miracle, ailing in sch is somewhat like the 8^th wonder of the world. (Eh. Jus jokin ya? Pls dun kill me… … .)

Anyway, we were having lunch at the Quad, and it was crowded as hell. Majorly crowded. No idea wat majorly meant, but it was tat crowded that we had to share tables with 2 other girls. The last time I shared at the Quad, I came to learn that the overpowering taste of plain rice can mask the taste of whatever stuff you eat your rice with. Plain rice has the magical ability to make your food tasteless. I gotta admit, it’s a pretty amazing concept. It’s a pretty amazingly cock concept. One of my past blog entries has a full recount of what happened that day, u can go take a look if u wanna..

Anyway, those 2 girls were nice enuff to let us sit down with them and we were about to start eating when that was when I heard them speaking to each other. As always I struck the jackpot again by sharing a table with 2 Vietnamese girls. How did I know they were Vietnamese people? Simple, from they way they sounded when they were communicating to each other. There is no other language in the world that comes close to sounding like Vietnamese. Damn, when I asked if we could share the table, her ”sure” sounded pretty Singaporean to me. However, her voice started going all funky when she started speaking to her fren. I think Vietnamese people have the funkiest sounding language in the world. The only language that comes close to being funkier to theirs is the tribal language spoken by some in Southern Africa where they have to roll their tongue up against the roof of their mouths to make the ! sound.

Anyway, Vietnamese sounds funky as hell because it just sounds unique. It has a certain quality to it, a nasal quality. The way I see it, Vietnamese is all about speaking with your mouth and nose simultaneously. Thus your voice would actually come out through your mouth & nose, making the final product sound so unique, so unique it actually becomes hilariously funny. No disrespect to the Vietnamese people, but they have got one really wicked-sounding language man!!! So there I was, trying to eat my lunch and using all my willpower not to freaking laugh. So I kept my head really low & was smiling downwards like a dumbass at my food as those 2 girls beside me were “nngaaa-ing & ngoorrr-ing” away like no tomorrow.

 

Anyway, I always thought normal spoken Vietnamese already sounded funky as hell but apparently I was wrong. There is actually an even higher level of funky to it. & that is when Vietnamese people speak Vietnamese through a mouth full of food. Gawd... ...Lets not go there ya? Could be due to all that food in there, the quality of their voice starts to change; from uniquely-funny it becomes a lil bit gross because their voice starts to sound really wet.   Ya, its probably due to the mass of half-chewed food in their mouths causing the distortion. When the sound waves from their vocal cords travel upwards towards their mouths, the sound waves have to now travel through all that food & saliva before being emitted through their mouths. These sound waves then excite the molecules of the half-chewed food, causing them to resonate and release a squishy-squashy sound. Therefore, the end product is very wettish Vietnamese.   Gross.   Shit, I went there. 

Anyway, since I am single now, I think I want a Vietnamese girlfriend. I am dying to find out how they sound like during sex. Let’s try to make an intelligent guess as to how they would sound like…

 
Ngaarh.  Ngaarh.  Ngaarh.  Ngaarh.  Ngaarh.  Ok maybe its not such a good idea after all. I think I better stick to Singaporean girls. Sex is supposed to be a beautiful thing, & its not gonna be the least bit beautiful if I make love to someone who moans like a bullfrog…

Sorry pple, haven’t been updating this blog for quite some time as I have been really busy. Back in yr1, I always had the assumption that yr4 was gonna be a breeze. Here I am now in my final sem of NTU now, and the workload is intense man. With the 1^st draft of FYP due in 4 weeks time, luckily my FYP has been more or less completed, otherwise I would basically be F©Ked rite now; with all my other assignments & stuff.

 
Not to mention 4011, we have to design a freaking massage chair. Plus we gotta perform Finite Element Analysis on the damn thing. Me. Dead. Anyway, that day I presented my conceptual design of the massage chair to my 4011 tutor. I was like, “This is my proposed design of the chair; take 10 naked female masseuses & stuff them inside a leather sack. Tie the sack up & then sit on top of them & there u have it, a massage chair that squirms non-stop.”   Afterwhich, he looked at the grading sheet, reached for his red pen & asked for my name & matriculation number. That was when I turned & ran out of the tutorial room as fast as I could.

Speaking of running, some Dumbass ran into me the other day. Btw, the ‘ran’ used in the earlier sentence was a literally kind of ‘ran’, not a figuratively kind of ‘ran’. He smashed into me at full speed. I think he was a Singaporean & I feel its kinda embarrassing to have our own pple doing shit like that. It happened to me in Library 1 Level 4. For those of us who have been there, we would know that the walkway between the tables & the bookshelves are really narrow. Dumbass was sprinting along that walkway; I haven’t got the slightest idea wtf he was doing or wtf he was going. With him moving at that speed for no particular reason, there can only be one conclusion: Dumbass was high as hell & was in a world of his own.

Anyway, I had just finished looking for books at the shelves & was walking out towards the walkway & he was sprinting along it & when I emerged from the shelves into the walkway, BAM !!!   & what I found pretty interesting was that, the collision caused me to stagger bout few steps backwards. Given my gargantuan physique & his speed, I was expecting to be thrown 30 feet into the air, hitting the ceiling & bouncing off it, smashing face first into the bookshelves & ricocheting off it again, & finally my wrecked body would come to rest on the lower storey of Library 1.  But no, just a few steps backwards. No drama whatsoever.

However, whats more interesting is that, I knew I was gonna be hit by a fast-moving object. Coz when I recall now, I remember as I walked towards the passageway; from the corner of my eye I could make out a high-velocity object coming towards me. Wats weird was my brain recognized the impending collision, but my body carried on moving forward, where it should have stopped moving to avoid it. This phenomenon can only be due to one reason: Maybe I am really retarded.

This is wat I call passive-retardation, where the body does not listen to the brain anymore. I believe retardation is made up of 2 distinct phases; the first would usually be active-retardation and as the body ages, passive-retardation will set in. When I was younger, I was in an active- retardation phase, where the brain tells the body to do stupid stuff.

Stuff like: During my JC1 days, was in chalet with my frenz, and was playing with my specs while rolling around on the bed with my frenz. Then somehow the rolling around caused the side frame of my specs to enter my ear, perforating the eardrum in the process.

Stuff like: During my JC days, getting my classmates to stand in a circle to mourn a frog which was run over and squashed as hell. So there we were, standing in a circle in silence, staring at its one-dimensional planar remains. Btw, I dun remember doing this, but Eunice & Yinghui insist that I did it, so I guess I did. I trust their brains more than I trust mine.

Stuff like: During my NS days, during an outing to Sentosa, was lazy & didn’t want to walk 200 meters & decided to climb over a fence. Well, I succeeded in ripping my index finger open to the tendon when the climb went tits-up. It needed stitches and was bandaged up for bout 4 months or so.

I think there should be more stuff I did back then but I can’t really remember all that I did. But hell, I think I was retarded the very moment my head popped out into this world. Mums was telling me when she gave birth to me in the delivery room, it was a mess. Please, gimme a break ya? That was the first time in my life I was so close to female genitals & so I freaked out. I thrashed around like a baby havin a cardiac arrest & ended up getting all tangled up in the umbilical cord.

 
Doctors ran a check of my DNA and discovered something interesting; my DNA strand had some additional stuff. Here’s a picture of my DNA, & those add-ons are probably the cause of my retardation.

Anyway, back to Dumbass & the library. So he collided straight into me and due to my passive-retardation condition, perhaps I was partially at fault too coz I failed to stop. But hell, in public places such as a library, he shouldn’t be whizzing around like some kid on crack rite ?!?

 
So I was thinking of how I could prevent this sort of accidents from happening again. I didn’t get a pic of the walkway of Library 1, but anyway the following pics are some random library which has a walkway which is pretty similar to what we have in terms of width. This is what I came up with; attaching warning signs onto the book shelves beside the walkway. I just do not know which sign should be put up for maximum effectiveness. Hmm.... Dilemma. 

My personal fav, complete with speed camera

Some of u guys might be asking, ”Hey, must those signs be placed like that? Wouldn’t it be extremely dangerous for people using the walkway? They might hit their heads or something rite?”   Well, if u guys are thinking along that line, I agree that u r rite, but it has to be done.

See, I am praying that someday Dumbass gets high in the library and starts whizzing around again. & knowing how Singaporeans are when it comes to road signs, I hope he ignores the signs in the library & crashes full speed into one of them & decapitates himself.

Saw this funny quiz thingy at Charlotte’s blog. So I went to see how my passing would be like.

My sis always gets me those postcards thingys with advertisements on them. I dun really noe the correct name for those things, whether they are postcards, placards, e-cards or artcards. Anyway, screw that. They are always available for distribution at some stand in cafes, bars, retail outlets, cinemas, u name it. So whenever my sis sees some nice ones, she would grab a few and pass them to me. 

That day, I returned home and saw a few on my table.

Nice, hey! one of them's a Jean Paul Gaultier fragrance ad. So I proceeded to paste these cards on the wall in front of my work table. That's why i appreciate it when my sis collects them cards as some have got really nice and eye-catching designs. It certainly helps in relaxing; when u have been staring down at your work for awhile, look up, see them cards, then look out of the window.  Nicely designed cards are very refreshing and in my opinion they help in distressing a weary mind.

However, one of them cards started to make me uneasy. It was the Jean Paul Gaultier. Everytime I looked up, I would see that hairy-torso half-naked laughing gay asshole staring back at me.

Then he started to bother me, now whenever I looked up, I would see that asshole laughing at me.  I felt the card was designed in such a way that, though my central vision was focused on anything else, my peripheral vision would somehow detect them nipples. & that information will pass through my ocular nerve into my brain, & my brain will go, "Nipple !!! Nipple !!! Attention all. All to take note, we have a Nipple Alert !!! "   & trust me when I say it feels very very awkward coz the mammary gland belongs to a dude......So there I was, feelin all uncomfortable & nauseated, & there he was he was laughing at me coz he knew I was helpless, coz no matter how hard I tried to focus on something else, my eyes would eventually pick up nipple. After awhile, I started to feel pissed; this was bad, my modesty was being outraged & there nothing I could do about it !!!

So, a solution was necessary. Yes, some of u guys might be going like,"Hey kaymong, y dun u just throw the damn thing away?"   See, I can't just remove the card & throw it away as my sis got it for me & it wouldn’t be very nice if I threw it away. So the solution I came up with had to allow me to keep the card there, & with that I had to somehow modify the way it looked. This is where Post-it® comes in handy.

With my Post-it®, scissors and abit of creativity, I made the asshole a stick-on Post-it® bra.

Things got better I made the asshole his stick-on Post-it® bra. I didn't feel so uncomfortable anymore with his nipples out of sight. But after awhile, he started to get on my nerves again coz his assholic expression was just plain irritating. So with my trusty stack of Post-it®, I decided to solve the problem once and for all. 

Oh Yeah, I am a F©King genius.